i was born a porn star she said
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
