My brain says no but my pants say off.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
