I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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