Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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