So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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