My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
