he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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