Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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