So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
