My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
