I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
