I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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