The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
