I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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