I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
