So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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