I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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