Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
