I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My balls are so social today.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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