the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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