They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just gift wrapped bread.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
