I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i dont even know how to be here
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
