nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
