I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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