It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize