I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
