remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
