He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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