Can i not drive my cunt home
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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