Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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