my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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