I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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