i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
