I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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