Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
