you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.