I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.