Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
