Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
