Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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