He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
