I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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