I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
