you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think my moral compass just broke
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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