As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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