ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
