Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
