You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is my gift to your gina
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
