you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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