with your own penis?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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