I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Farmville is her only friend.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
