I'm going to jail i love you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
