Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize