Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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