i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
