It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
