Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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