he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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