got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
